Monday, January 10, 2011

Rollercoaster Ride

Enter 2011.... on a rollercoaster. Obviously not literally, however so far 2011 has brought many frustrating moments, days, even a week of straight frustration. It has also brought tears (of pain and joy) laughter, a renewed love and sweetness I didn't know was possible. How could all of these things happen in only a short 10 days? It baffles me as well.
Allow me to be purely candid here, I can pretend that everything is ok while my husband is away training for the Army. But it's quite the opposite. I have days that I wish I could just run away and not deal with any of this. Days where I probably yell at my kids too much, while they are just being kids. Then there are the days where I just want to laugh and play with them, and they bring me pure joy. There have been many sleepless nights, some self induced, some because my babies are having a hard time with this as well. Moments have passed where I think to myself, nope, no more kids for me, I am done. Where deep in my heart, well maybe not that deep haha! The desire (and it's a strong one!!!) for more kids overwhelms me.
It's excruciatingly hard not knowing when I will hear from Andre, if there will be letters, or possibly a phone call. And those surprise, sometimes only 2 minute calls and paragraph letters bring a joy indescribable.
The best thing that has come out of these 10 days in 2011 is my relationship with Jesus has deepened and that fire has quickened and engulfed my heart. I am learning to not let things overwhelm me, rather to let the love of my God to overwhelm me and be my strength when I feel I am going to lose my mind if I hear one more "mooommmmyyyyy" or one more cry. God is good, and His love never fails. And that, makes my roller coaster turn into a smooth ride.
Blessings ♥